The Professor

"The Professor"

The professor drove my uber
He didn't want to talk to me
But I did
So I talked to him instead
And after 22 minutes
I gave him 4 stars
And 20 dollars
And my jacket
That I forgot
The professor is not
A woman's denim jacket size
But maybe
He'll give it to a small friend
During a seminar
And charge by the hour
Of his lecture
Next time
I will take the bus
And fail the professor.



The other evening
I googled
passionate throws
expecting one thing,
and getting a lot of
colorful blankets.

Rebecca Cooper

"For Once in My Life"

For once in my life
I will tell you
Each person you meet,
they can smell you
Your stench is so strong
Have you washed your dong?
It smells just like a
plague befell you

"Filth. Best deal!"

FILTH. Best deal!
i'd stalk you on instagram but you
have no instagram you just like all
my pictures from your girlfriend's

You didn't floss and that
was gross. you had weird
teeth and i hated that.

FILTH. BEST DEAL. Christmas music in August.
Some mongolian bullshit
when you walked me home.

Buy some floss, you

The Finesser

"Lilo and Stich"

I only think of you on two occasions
That's day and night
You used to call me on my jail phone
when it was late at night
Fuck the police
They just hating
Netflix and chill
Fuck dating
Convict Music bitch
Akon and me watching Lilo and Stich


"My Favorite Flower"

My favorite flower
is the onion
because it is no
one else's.

Roxy Gordon & Sara Rahimi

Letters From Charlie Brown

To Charlie Brown, in Christmas,
I think of you and your eskimo kisses
is that offensive, its just that hersheys
seem commercial, and we hate that here.
your valentine.

Hi Mom,
Do you remember that time?
that I ate all the candy out of your hands

dear professor
concerning the fecal matter
it was me, all mine, SURPRISE.
hope your holiday isn't as shitty
Charlie Brown ;)

Your Eye Phone

your eyes suck
put them away
Siri is not your

Rebecca Cooper

"Sperm Donor"

I once knew a boy who's
a loner
He wanted to be a
sperm donor
The clinic was full
A cynic, he pulled
On his half-wilted
sad boner.

George Costanzo

Ode to Madame:

Estee que tu aimes le facism?
Le Facism?
Je vais dire, l'action diplomatique?
le coit?
les hommes pensent que les
feministes detestent le facism,
mais c'est un activité
trés naturelle et stimulante
que les femmes adorent.

Breaking News

Picture me

      on your couch

                      fat + shirtless


some real Homer Simpson shit
And the TV is on
And it's news
And some asteroid or nuke or lethal gas or swift disease
is coming
And the world is over, I guess
And the sweat from my hands
Scatters across the slick plastic
on the back of the remote
And I change the channel
And Friends is on or something
And I sit back
And squeeze my head between the cushions
and hold my breath

Roxy Gordon & Molly Donovan

"Blue Elephant"

Blue elephant.
Where did you come from?
Where will you go?
Who's side are you on?
You have to pick 1.
Were you with her? again?
You'll always be blue.

I wish you'd forget, blue elephant.
You normally do.
I am so alone, Blue Elephant.
You met someone new.
but she votes for Trump, blue elephant.
but, I guess so do you.

I am missing my conclusion,
(came to at the cove,)
I almost remember.
(ed my bra from your house)
but I don't think I did.
(can I get it back?)

Molly Donovan

"To: Jeeves"


  • does coffee stain my jeans

  • what the hell is poetry music, anyway,

  • George, what's you're theme

  • what's the word when words make a shape

if I didn't give him my lunch he would be dead now.

The Finesser

"I Like Direct TV"

You had a fucked up childhood
I understand
But why have dial-up instead of Comcast On Damand?
I can't figure you out
Our love is a mystery
You like newspapers
I like Direct TV
You say it's right
I say it's wrong
Weed is fuckin' tight
Pass the fuckin' bong
Now that's better
Are we friends again?
You look high as hell
THC for the win...

My Friend

I have a friend, hes a master, procrastinator
you could say he progstinating Mausterbater
Instead of going to the library to work
he goes there to Jerk.
I tell him no! I ask him why?
He just turn and says he high!

The Professor

A Christmas list from my Mother Vanessa:

Dear Santa,
this year, bring no toys.
Bring no joy.
Bring only a sack
of beer!
The children are thirsty Santa.
Have a nice night.
I love you. Vanessa

Molly Donovan

Thots, to Cathy


Isn't it nice that
Keystones are orange
so we can't rhyme with them
but they blend in with our
hair here at Kenyon which
is awfully thematic,
such a dyeing breed.

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